I woke up extra early today…in an effort to be extra productive. Sometimes when I am uninterrupted by kid chatter and find myself with some prolonged moments of quiet…my mind will take a wander and eventually land on something profound. It’s usually entirely accidental after taking a long stroll down the mom trail. Will you come take a quick walk with me? I think the journey will be worth it…
Sit down to make a grocery list.
I really should be planning out the meals first.
Why don’t I buy cookbooks anymore?
I remember real books.
I miss the days of reading real books on my old gray comfy couch…circa 1998.
Will I EVER figure out how to get the stain out of this new leather chair?
New cleaning technique attempt.
No…after an investment of no less than 6 hours of research, $37 on cleaning products, and 2 hours in cleaning efforts…I am officially 12% closer to giving up on the stain. I’ll try again in a few weeks.
Back to the grocery list.
I want an Instant Pot.
I don’t need an Instant Pot.
I have a pressure cooker.
Maybe I just need a pressure cooker cookbook.
No…after 45 minutes reading pressure cooker cookbook reviews and putting 4 pressure cooker cookbooks in my cart…I suddenly remember Google…and AllRecipes.com and decide that my $62 would be better spent elsewhere. But that 45 minutes is gone for good.
Why do I waste so much time?
I started this grocery list almost 3 hours ago.
What is wrong with me?
I hate myself.
Actually I just hate distraction.
Why can’t I stay focused on anything?
Do I have Adult Onset ADD?
Adult ADD self-assessment test.
Yes…it cannot be denied. I have Adult ADD.
No wonder I never finish everything.
Like my grocery list.
Focus, Sandi. Grocery List!
Coffee Creamer, Peach Salsa, English Muffins, Yogurt…
When did my handwriting become so hideous?
I used to love my handwriting.
I wonder if they still sell the Italic handwriting books I used to teach the boys with when we homeschooled.
Well look at that! They do still sell them!
I wonder if any adults have been successful at improving their handwriting with these books?
Low and behold…yes! There are glowing positive reviews to be found!
Clearly I need to order a book or two!
Who am I kidding? Let’s be real…I’m not going to practice handwriting. Close window. Victory!
Why is my rug so dirty?
I wonder if I can shampoo a flat rug?
I am NOT going to Google.
I am just going to try it. After I finish this list.
Seriously…what is my problem?
Why can’t I finish ANYTHING?
Ugh…it’s almost time for the stupid eclipse…I need to get the kids up.
Why did I let them stay home for this?
Who cares? This is so uneventful.
How can I make this meaningful?
It’s just an eclipse.
It’s just the moon…standing in the way of the sun.
And then it happened. I saw an entirely different eclipse than the one we’ll be witnessing today.
I saw the eclipse that will take place on the day that I stand before God.
With sin so vivid that it cannot be hidden…I will stand before my creator and give an account for my life. The lies. The selfishness. The cruelty. The hate. The anger. The judgment. The immorality. The gluttony. The divorce. The gossip. The waste…of money, time, and talents He gave me to use for His glory. The dark and the hidden.
And seated at His right hand will be Jesus, My Savior. The man who lived a perfect, although tempted-in-every-way-I-was-tempted, life. The man who carried a beam of wood on His back ripped open by whips…along a road where He was mocked, spit on, ridiculed, and screamed at, in order to arrive at a hill where He knew He would suffer the most inhumane death imaginable…for me. I will have to look that man, My Savior, in the eyes…and acknowledge the truth that we BOTH know. The truth that my sin…the sin so vivid that it cannot be hidden…held him on that cross…out of pure love for me.
I cannot fathom the painful weight of that moment…but it is unavoidable…and it is coming.
And then, in the midst of that incredible shame, and facing the intense totality of the judgment I rightfully deserve…as I hold my breath waiting for God’s just punishment…
I will watch Jesus stand up from His throne, walk toward me with eyes full of love and forgiveness…and slowly turn to face His Father.
My sin that shone so bright will no longer be visible in the light of His glory. God will not see me…and my wickedness…He will see His Son…and His righteousness. Such beautiful…undeserved…amazing grace.
Jesus will stand in my way. Jesus will be my eclipse.
“I am not skilled to understand.
What God has willed, what God has planned;
I only know at His right hand,
Stands One who is my Savior.”
It’s time to grab my kidlets…we’ve only got 12 minutes until the eclipse peaks here in AZ…and I’ve got something meaningful to share with them.
It is finished.